Fleetwood/Matt NFL Picks – Week 4

Fleetwood/Matt NFL Picks – Week 4

Welcome to the Fleetwood/Matt NFL picks, the ONLY poorly-named weekly NFL column where two Canadians / comedians / Super Champions pick the weekly NFL games, and help you to make actual human dollars on the National Football League.

Before you Jared Scoff at us (*quits comedy forever on the strength of that joke*) please take note of our records:

Matt Ederer  – 33-15-1. (*quits Canada forever on the strength of these riches*). This is likely going to flip around, but ride this wave until it does! Dolphins fan who quite frankly is enjoying the tank this season.

F Dhawg Johnston – 29-19-1 – Avid Browns fan. “We are healed of a suffering only by experiencing it to the full.” ― Marcel Proust

My brain watching the Browns this season.

Note: Zero Browns coaching battles last week, but there will be 2 this week.

ORGANS

Another note: There will be much referencing of The Count

SUNDAY EARLY SLATE

Week 4 Bye Teams – New York Jets, San Francisco 49ers

Carolina Panthers (1-2) @ Houston Texans (2-1)

Matt – Matthew Ederer’s Stat-thew of the week – Greg Olsen (old, white Tight End) only has 3 fewer QB targets on the season than DeAndre Hopkins does (the best WR in football, 28 -25 targets for Hopkins through 3 games). While this is highly encouraging for Olsen fantasy owners (ayyyyy), it doesn’t bode well for the Carolina offense. Though Houston is weaker on D, I think they easily have enough to win this one at home vs yound backup QB Kyle Allen.

Matt’s Pick – Houston Texans

Fleet – Houston wins…right?

Fleet’s Pick – Houston Texans


Cleveland Browns (1-2) @ Baltimore Ravens (2-1)

Fleet – It has been a frustrating 3 weeks for myself watching 3 stinkers of Browns games.

Fleet’s Pick – Cleveland Browns

Me after the Browns take their 9000th penalty Sunday and lose again

Matt – Freddie Kitchens might be the worst Head Coach in professional sports at the moment.

Matt’s Pick – Baltimore Ravens


Kansas City Chiefs (3-0) @ Detroit Lions (2-0-1)

Matt – The Chiefs are so exciting, they made me care about a Detroit Lions game! While the Lions are a touch underrated this year (they aren’t terrible, just mediocre) the Chiefs’ roster murders these mediocre Lions on paper, and should romp them IRL in Detroit.

Matt’s Pick – Kansas City Chiefs

Fleet – Kansas wins. Big day for the number 15.

Fleet’s Pick –

I have heard Kansas City has a decent player wearing the number 15

Los Angeles Chargers (2-1) @ Miami Dolphins (0-3)

Fleet – Horse-based team wins.

Fleet’s Pick – Los Angeles Chargers

Matt – 🙁 🙁 🙁

Matt’s Pick – Los Angeles Chargers


New England Patriots (3-0) @ Buffalo Bills (3-0)

Fleet – Browns ex-coach battle alert! (1/2)

We’ve got former Browns ex-head coach and current Patriots head coach Bill Belichick (known for nothing else of note) vs Brian Daboll ex-offense co-ordinator for the Cleveland Browns Professional American Football team who now holds the same position for the Bills. I will go with the singular Bill, not the plural Bills.

Note: Sources in the league tell me Bill’s team is also pretty good.

Fleet’s Pick – New England

Not even Oscar, the certified grouch will help #17 today.

Matt – How many times have wee seen this in our lives? I am 1000% certain, without even looking it up at all, that in my lifetime I have seen an undefeated Buffalo team host the Patriots in a home game at the start of the season, and get absolutely and thoroughly shit-housed by the Pats. More than once. That classic early season Buffalo optimism is breakfast to Tom Brady.

Matt’s Pick – New England Patriots until further notice


Oakland Raiders (1-2) @ Indianapolis Colts (2-1)

Matt – I don’t love this pick, as Indy is super banged up and missing many of their best players, including arguably the two best non O-linemen on the team in TY Hilton and Darius Leonard. This is a solid spot for Oakland here, very much a winnable game for them. Having said that,

Matt’s Pick – Indianapolis Colts

Fleet – Colts, due to the horse mantra. I went 2/3 on the horse-based teams this week so let me tell you 2 is definitely the numba of the week.

I predict 20 baskets this week.

Fleet’s Pick – Indianapolis Colts


Tennessee Titans (1-2) @ Atlanta Falcons (1-2)

Fleet – Come onnnnn bad Atlanta team.

Fleet’s Pick – Bad Atlanta Team

Matt – I too like the not good, very bad Atlanta Falcons team at home vs a Titans team that always matches the quality of their opponent (in this case, not good, very bad).

Matt’s Pick – Atlanta Falcons


Washington Football Team (0-3) @ New York Giants (1-3)

Matt – Choose life instead.

Matt’s Pick – Washington Professional Racist Football Outfit

Fleet – Browns ex-coach battle alert! (2/2)

We have former Browns defensive co-ordinator Rob Ryan (son of Buddy) now inside linebackers coach for the redskins vs Pat Shurmur former Browns head coach and current Giants head coach. The tiebreak became who has the better hair, and this choice was easy.

Rob Ryan: professional lover, part time football coach

Fleet’s Pick – Washington Football Racists


SUNDAY LATE SLATE

Seattle Seahawks (2-1) @ Arizona Cardinals (0-2-1)

Fleet – Pete Carroll got hit in the face with a football before losing last week. Had to show the guy some love this week.

Hurt nose in question

Fleet’s Pick -Seattle Seahawks

Matt – Kinda bad ass pic for a 70 year old man who is known for his sensitivity ^^ . FOOTBALL IS A VIOLENT GAME EVEN FOR THE COACHES et cetera send tweet close phone dunk ball.

Disappointing showing from Oakland Athletic legend Kyler Murray last week. It felt like it was going to be his first win. That might not come for a while now.

Matt’s Pick – Seattle Seahawks


Tampa Bay Buccaneers (1-2) @ Los Angeles Rams (3-0)

Matt – I miss Josh Freeman.

Matt’s Pick – Los Angeles Rams

Fleet – Running on fumes this week, so I ask myself if there is anything even funny in this game to write about?

Fleet’s Pick – Los Angeles Rams, lol arthritis


Jacksonville Jaguars (1-2) @ Denver Broncos (0-3)

Fleet – I don’t think I can pick against the Minshew II at this point.

Minshew II if he was a horse

Fleet’s Pick – Gardner Minshew II

Matt – Allow me to go the other way / be an old man here for a minute – I totally am done with Gardner Minshew. HOLY SHIT HE HAS A MUSTACHE AND STRETCHES NAKED< ISNT HE YOUR FAVOURITE>>!! ??

I get that in 2019 we only want things to be wacky and funny (& I mean this is a comedy -based football article for fuck’s sake lol we are part of that too) but every single human on earth is bending over backwards to tell you how great this guy is only because he has a mustache and stretches naked, lol. A great many of football fans / current Memeshew heads didn’t know he existed in week 1, myself included.

Don’t get me wrong, nothing wrong with being naked or having a ‘stache. Live your life dude. I’ve had a stache before, and while I’m not naked now I do plan on being naked again someday. It’s just that, only in 2019 could a Gardner Minshew have a 100% approval rating. Only in 2019 would a guy like Brian Urlacher incoherently yell HES A LEGEND on TV about a 6th round rookie. There’s nothing about Minshew that people aren’t eating up (and force-feeding others) with a spoon. That’s my thing here. I am burnt out on Memeshew. I want to go back to a world where if you have a honking mustache and stretch naked in the locker room, people think you’re weird. That’s all. I want to go back there so that I can allow myself to like this guy, lol. I don’t enjoy living in a world where even retired NFL players demand that you pretend Gardner Minshew is a hall-of-famer because he looks like Ron Burgandy.

Desperate Broncos team at home with a good defense wins over the rookie QB on the road.

Matt’s Pick – Denver Broncos


Minnesota Vikings (2-1) @ Chicago Bears (2-1)

Matt – Is it possible for both teams to lose a game? I am going to reluctantly take Minnesota here, but this might be a great spot for the Bears defense to absolutely feast on young Kirk Cousins.

Matt’s Pick – Minnesota with negative confidence

Fleet – Two good teams who are both very stupid and who often lose stupid games. Give me the team with Khalil Mack on it.

Fleet’s Pick – Chicago Bears


Dallas Cowboys (3-0) @ New Orleans Saints (2-1)

Fleet – The real question here is whether or not I will have a chance for anymore Count videos for this game.

The answer is no. This is a photo.

Fleet’s Pick – Dallas Cowboys

Matt – Really too bad Drew Brees is injured, because this cold have been a game-of-the-year contender. Dallas proves they are a top-5 team in football with a decisive Sunday night victory.

Matt’s Pick – Dallas Cowboys


MONDAY NIGHTER

Cincinnati Bengals (0-3) @ Pittsburgh Steelers (0-3)

Matt – Ahhhhhhh I want to take Cincinnati here so, so badly. But I can’t do it. Two 0-3 teams, one of them (Bengals) is content playing for the future, one (Steelers) traded their 1st round pick in 2020 and needs to win — this season in general and this game in specific.

Pittsburgh wins a massive game on their home field against a long-time rival. It would NOT surprise me to see Cincy win this though, and I wouldn’t bet a penny I found on the ground on this game.

Matt’s Pick – Cincinnati Bengals fuck lol Pittsburgh Steelers

Fleet – This MNF game probably had more appeal at the start of the season.

Owned

Fleet’s Pick – Cincinnati Bengals

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