Hello friends. I am Matthew Ederer, a writer, comedian and general idiot. I will be joined by my roommate, former Canadian High School DB and 2015 Humber College Improv Award winner, Fleetwood “Downtown Funky Stuff” Brown.
We are Canada and therefore the world’s favourite poorly-named picks column, and the only piece of Canadian media released this week to not mention the Don Cherry scandal.
Shit. Welcome to the Fleetwood/Matt NFL Picks.
Matthew Ederer- 88-60-1 – Avid Miami fan. I wear this thing around Canada with slightly decreasing shame every week.
Counting the Cleveland win in our records ^. “Go Browns” is a house-wide decree.
F Dawg Johnston – 81-67-1 –
Avid Browns Fan. Let’s swing some helmets and make some picks.
(Note: Michael Irvin calling for Myles Garrett suspension is strange. Dude literally stabbed his teammate in the neck…with scissors.)
But I digress, onto the pick me ups.
The following is a random selection of notable football people who appear to have picked every game, like us.
Dave Richard (CBS Fantasy Football) – 80-68-1
Jamey Eisenberg (CBS Fantasy Football) – 82-66-1
Kurt Warner (Former NFL QB, WestwoodOne) – 86-62-1
Mina Kimes – 88-60-1 (ESPN)
Jason La Canfora (CBS) – 88-60-1
Gregg Rosenthal (NFL.com) – 89-59-1
NumberFire Projections – 91-57-1
FiveThirtyEight Projections -92-56-1
Yahoo Users – 92-56-1
Jason Taylor (Former NFL DE, WestwoodOne) – 92-56-1
Ron Jaworski (Former NFL QB) – 94-54-1
Trey Wingo (ESPN) – 94-54-1
John Breech (CBS) – 95-53-1
Michael David Smith (PFT) 95-53-1
CURRENT INTERNET CHAMPION OF THE INTERNET – (Tied) – Vinnie Iyler (Sporting News) – 97-50-1 // Christian d’Andrea (SB Nation) 97-50-1
(all records according to nflpickwatch.com. NOTE: Gregg, Jaws, Mina et. al will not be joining us today unfortunately, as they obviously have no fucking idea that we exist. Figured it would be fun to see how we stack up vs some industry pros, though)
Buffalo Bills (6-3, 5th in AFC) @ Miami Dolphins (2-7, 14th in AFC)
Matt – Get right game for these Bills. Miami has proven themselves to be frisky. They need to get back off of that bicycle.
Matt’s Pick – Buffalo Bills
Fleet – Noooooooooo teal mammal-fish! Your two game win streak ends.
Fleet’s Pick – Buffalo Bills
Houston Texans (6-3, 3rd in AFC) @ Baltimore Ravens (7-2, 2nd in AFC)
Fleet – I guess I am subscribing to the model that the Ravens defense is better than the Texans defense.
Fleet’s Pick – Baltimore Ravens
Matt – Game of the week here. Simply put, Baltimore appears to be the better coached, more complete team. Houston winning wouldn’t shock me, but Baltimore will win a burner
Matt’s Pick – Baltimore Ravens
Atlanta Falcons (2-7, 14th in NFC) @ Carolina Panthers (5-4, 9th in NFC)
Matt – I don’t buy the Falcons yet. Panthers win a game they need significantly more than their opponents.
Matt’s Pick – Carolina Panthers
Fleet – This time I am subscribing to the model that Christian McCaffrey is better than the Falcons defense.
Fleet’s Pick – Carolina Panthers
Dallas Cowboys (5-4, 4th in NFC) @ Detroit Lions (3-5-1, 11th in NFC)
Fleet – Merica’s Team over Kid Rock’s Team
Fleet’s Pick – Dallas Cowboys
Matt – Strongly dislike both teams. Cowboys because they didn’t lost to Chicago last week.
Matt’s Pick – Detroit Lions
Jacksonville Jaguars (4-5, 10th in AFC) @ Indianapolis Colts (5-4, 7th in AFC)
Matt – I think Foles is significantly better than Gardner Minshew.
Matt’s Pick – Jacksonville Jaguars
Fleet – Who could be the colts QB…I may never know…wait Brissett is starting. Also Hoyer…Brian Hoyer is the backup qb.
Fleet’s Pick – The non-Hoyer affiliated Jacksonville Jaguars
Denver Broncos (3-6, 13th in AFC) @ Minnesota Vikings (7-3, 6th in NFC)
Fleet – Wait, have I actually went against every horse-based team this week?….uh oh looks like I got some bad juju hoofing my way.
Fleet’s Pick – Minnesota Vikings
Matt – When God closes a horse, he opens a window.
Matt’s Pick – Minnesota Vikings
New Orleans Saints (7-2, 3rd in NFC) @ Tampa Bay Buccaneers (3-6, 13th in NFC)
Matt – Going Saints, but they look like they’re missing something. Allow me to be the 1000000000th person to yell BREES CAME BACK TOO EARLY into the echo chamber.
Matt’s Pick – New Orleans Saints
Fleet – Almost picked the Bucs… then I remembered Purdue Drew!
Fleet’s Pick – New Orleans Saints
New York Jets (ass) @ Washington Redskins (butt)
Fleet – Go Le’Veon Go!
Fleet’s Pick – New York Jets?
Matt – Gross. I refuse to even bold this matchup.
Matt’s Pick – Shovel yer driveway instead. New York Jets
Arizona Cardinals (3-6-1, 12th in NFC) @ San Francisco 49ers (8-1, 1st in NFC)
Matt – Big bounce back game for the 9ers. Keep it simple, ram it down Zona’s T’Roat.
I am starting Kyle Allen over Kyler in fantasy today. Prove me wrong, Cardinals!
Matt’s Pick – San Francisco 49ers
Fleet – Wanted to pick the upset Cardinals win here. But I can’t think of a single reason to? So I’m betting on the better team here.
Fleet’s Pick – San Francisco 49ers
Cincinnati Bengals (0-9, 16th in AFC) @ Oakland Raiders (5-4, 6th in AFC)
Fleet – Upset of the week: Bengals win. Speaking of upsetting, it’s kinda like the youtube video – Crooked Rot by David Firth. Very unsettling video. I’m not going to link it.
Fleet’s Pick – Cincinnati Bengals
Matt – If Oakland is even 1% real this year, they have to take this one.
Matt’s Pick – John Gruden and the Funky Bunch
New England Patriots (8-1, 1st in AFC) @ Philadelphia Eagles (5-4, 8th in AFC)
Matt – Pats are coming off a loss, and have had two weeks to prepare for a team that beat them in a recent Superbowl. Nick Foles is in Florida.
Matt’s Pick – New England Patriots
Fleet – Pats do the opposite of lose this week. Classic move. Bill Belichick the master chessman.
Fleet’s Pick – New England Patriots
Chicago Bears (4-5, 10th in NFC) @ Los Angeles Rams (5-4, 7th in NFC)
Fleet’s Pick – I mean look at that cute motha. Los Angeles Rams
Matt – Not exactly a “get right game” vs that stingy Chicago D, but Take these Rams, those rams ^ all Rams in all formats over the Bears. Most of all, bet the under.
Matt’s Pick – Los Angeles Rams
Kansas City Chiefs (6-4, 4th in AFC) @ Los Angeles Chargers (4-6, 12th in AFC)
Fleet – Phillip Rivers’ teams finds new and exciting ways to lose every week. Sign me up, Monday Night Football.
Fleet’s Pick – Kansas City Chiefs
Matt – This commercial came out when I was nine years old. I have thought about it every few weeks since.
Matt’s Pick – Kansas City Chiefs