Holy shit, we’ve almost seen this through! Thank you to the seven members of our immediate families who have kept up with this column.
F-Dawg Downtown Funky Stuff Brown – Cleveland Fan, ex- Canadian High School Football Cornerback, Rudolph the human-nosed reindeer. Record 134-92-1 (2-1 yesterday)
Matt Ederer – Miami fan, writer for Operation Sports, Christmas elf from beyond the stars. Record 141-85-1 (2-1 yesterday)
Cincinnati Bengals (1-13, 16th in AFC) @ Miami Dolphins (3-11, 15th in AFC)
Fleet – Time for the Bengals (via Andy Dalton’s stern grasp of waste management) to take out the trash.
Fleet’s Pick – Cincinnati Bengals
Matt’s Pick – Cincinnati Bengals
Baltimore Ravens (12-2, 1st in AFC) @ Cleveland Browns (6-8, 8th in AFC)
Matt – Man it’s tough to be a Browns fan. I feel for you buddy. I cede the floor to my esteemed colleague F-Dawg Johnstone
(Ravens by no less than 24 points)
Matt’s Pick – Baltimore Ravens
Fleet – This might have been the hardest time during this 17 week season for me to pick the Browns… actually not really Freddie Kitchens you doughnut eating bastard. Learn coaching you turd.
Fleet’s Pick – Cleveland Browns
Jacksonville Jaguars (5-9, 11th in AFC) @ Atlanta Falcons (5-9, 11th in NFC)
Fleet – Something, something, Minshew joke.
Fleet’s Pick – Jacksonville Jaguars
Matt – Dan Quinn has officially heisted the Falcons once again. It’s a Christmas miracle.
Matt’s Pick – Atlanta Falcons
Carolina Panthers (5-9, 12th in NFC) @ Indianapolis Colts (6-8, 10th in AFC)
Matt – Gross
Matt’s Pick – Indianapolis Colts
Fleet – The colts have had 11 games decided by 7 points or less this year. Team would probably have been pretty decent had that Luck guy stuck around. Eh who cares…well possibly Colts fans.
Fleet’s Pick – Indianapolis Colts
Pittsburgh Steelers (8-6, 6th in AFC) @ New York Jets (5-9, 14th in AFC)
Fleet – Christmas jet style. Picking against the Steelers since week 1.
Fleet’s Pick – New York Jets
Matt – God I want to pick New York so badly here. While my heart is screaming LEV BELL REVENGE GAME AHSJAHSJHARJL, my brain is calmly saying “pick Pittsburgh over the Jets you fool”.
Matt’s Pick – Pittsburgh Steelers
New Orleans Saints (11-3, 3rd in NFC) @ Tennessee Titans (8-6, 7th in AFC)
Matt – Here’s the thing about Tennessee. I’ve seen this out of Ryan Tannehill (Contract Year Ryan Tannehill, don’t forget) before. Miami fans know these empty late-season runs all too well. RT is a CLASSIC “Look good vs bad teams, shit yourself vs a good team” kinda guy. Google his career record and see for yourself. It’s all there. New Orleans by 10+
Matt’s Pick – New Orleans Saints
New York Giants (3-11, 15th in NFC) @ Washington Pro Team (3-11, 16th in NFC)
Fleet – The battle of the two stupidest 3-11 teams in recent memory. Why did I predict a Tie? Well is it possible to not want either team to win? Yes, so I picked a tie.
Fleet’s Pick – Tie Game
Matt – Daniel Jones is starting because the Giants are fucking cowards. Hey cool, can’t wait to hear about Eli going to the hall of fame for the entire fucking summer. LET THE MAN PLAY, you p well know what you have in Daniel Jones (Matt Schaub, I’m guessing) and I’m not sure that learning on the job will make up for any potential injury Jones might suffer here. I digress.
Matt’s Pick – New York Giants
Detroit Lions (3-10-1, 14th in NFC) @ Denver Broncos (5-9, 12th in AFC)
Matt – The Drew Locke of the week!
Matt’s Pick – Denver Broncos
Fleet – Goodbye to the real MVP of the season, the Horse-based team joke 🙁 I will miss you.
Fleet’s Pick – Denver Broncos
Oakland Raiders (6-8, 9th in AFC) @ Los Angeles Chargers (5-9, 13th in AFC)
Fleet – The fall of the Raiders from Oakland. Why did Carr believe the Oakland faithful would show any love after a loss. Like know your audience dude.
Fleet’s Pick – Los Angeles Chargers
Matt – HEADLINE: 420 BOLO BLAZE IT: PHILLIP RIVERS RIDES OFF INTO THE SUNSET WITH A SOMEWHAT COMPETANT PERFORMANCE
(headline writer promptly fired)
Matt’s Pick – Los Angeles Chargers
Dallas Cowboys (7-7, 4th in NFC) @ Philadelphia Eagles (7-7, 8th in NFC)
Matt – How is a game so meaningful and so important also so inarguably terrible?
Matt’s Pick – Dallas Cowboys I guess, tired of picking Philly.
Fleet – Fly easgolesv lsfly navhaon.
Fleet’s Pick – Philadelphia Eagles
Arizona Cardinals (4-9-1, 13th in NFC) @ Seattle Seahawks (11-3, 5th in NFC)
Fleet – Pete Carol-ling his way to the playoffs singing sweet Ciara songs.
Fleet’s Pick – Seattle Seahawks
Matt – UPSET OF THE WEEK coming at you here. The Seahawks looked a little bit tired last week vs the Carolina Panthers, a game they won only 30-24. Jadeveon Clowney, Ziggy Ansah, Quandre Diggs, Mychal Kendricks and Shaquill Griffin are all questionable today on Seattle’s defense. The Cardinals are rounding into form, having just beaten the “sorry, no account Cleveland Browns” – quote Mike Wilbon.
TAKE THE CARDINALS IN ALL CAPITAL LETTERS! Love the Cardinals + the points here.
Matt’s Pick – ARIZONA KYLERS
Kansas City Chiefs (10-4, 3rd in AFC) @ Chicago Bears (7-7, 8th in NFC)
Matt – Something about this game makes me want to pick the Bears. Mitch Trubisky is playing for his NFL life and relevancy here, and has been playing very well as of late. Having said that, he is still Mitch Trubisky. The whole reason Bears fans are so bitter is because they passed up guys like Pat Mahomes (the guy he’s playing) to draft Trubisky.
Kansas City has a chance to get a first round playoff bye, and they will do everything in their power to obtain said bye.
Matt’s Pick – Kansas City Chiefs
Fleet – Mitchell bad, Patrick good. Was my logic here.
Fleet’s Pick – Kansas City Chiefs
Green Bay Packers (11-3, 2nd in NFC) @ Minnesota Vikings (10-4, 6th in NFC)
Fleet – Picking the Vikings here. Despite having the worse QB, I like their team more than Green Bay.
Fleet’s Pick – Minnesota Vikings
Matt’s Pick – Minnesota Vikings