Matt – Dolphins fan, Fitzpatrick fan, Brian Flores fan! The sun is peering through the dark dark clouds.
F-Dawg Johnston – City of Cleveland fanatic. Well it’s the final week. Good god y’all…. finally.
For this final week, the last of the regular season games, I will be doing something so unheard of that the academics of our time might even call it ‘dumb’. I will be picking the loser of each game. That’s right, picking the all L squad of week 17.
Miami Dolphins (4-11, 15th in AFC) @ New England Patriots (12-3, 2nd in AFC)
Matt – Tua Tankavaglioa has been a resounding success. Bring on 2020!
Bill Belichick has come out and said “this is a playoff game”, which historically means the referees will be firmly in the corner of the New England Patriots AYO
Matt’s Pick – New England Patriots by 35 at least
Fleet – Oh Fish, your glorious tank was too good. Somehow better than the Bengals. “There must have been some magic in that old Fitzpatrick Qb they found, for when they placed the fish helmet on his head, he began to dance around.”
Fleet’s Pick – Miami Dolphins to lose
New York Jets (6-9, 12th in AFC) @ Buffalo Bills (10-5, 5th in AFC)
Fleet – If there is something I learned this year it’s to believe more in the Buffalo Bills. Sidenote, they should trade for AJ Green this offseason.
Fleet’s Pick – New York Jets to lose
Matt – How in the absolute fuck are the Jets 6-9?
Matt’s Pick – Buffalo Bills
New Orleans Saints (12-3, 3rd in NFC) @ Carolina Panthers (5-10, 13th in NFC)
Matt – Teddy Two-gloves needs one touchdown pass before the season ends to hit 10 for the year and earn a $200,000 bonus. Let the two-gloved chef cook you cowards.
Matt’s Pick – New Orleans Saints
Fleet – Yippee the NFC South, a disappointing division this year. I’d would rank the 3 most disappointing divisions this year as follows,
- NFC EAST
- NFC SOUTH
- AFC NORTH
- AFC WEST
Ended up doing 4. Welp there was a tie so get used to it.
Fleet’s Pick – Carolina to lose
Cleveland Browns (6-9, 10th in AFC) @ Cincinnati Bengals (1-14, 16th in AFC)
Fleet – 1st overall pick already wrapped up. Why not one more L?
FINAL SIDENOTE OF THE YEAR: Let the record show I have picked for better or worse with the Browns all year and it has been tough. Not that I would have picked against them often but meh as long as the record shows it as such.
Fleet’s Pick – Cleveland Browns
Matt’s Pick – Cleveland Browns
Green Bay Packers (12-3, 2nd in NFC) @ Detroit Lions (3-11-1, 15th in NFC)
Matt – VERY excited to not have to watch, think or care about Detroit Lions football for another 7 months.
Matt’s Pick – Green Bay Packers
Fleet – What a strange year for the Lions – kinda feels like they had more than 3 wins all year. Oh yeah! They tied earlier this year. Classic Detroit move.
Chalk up one more L for the blue Lions
Fleet’s Pick – Detroit Lions Lose
Los Angeles Chargers (5-10, 13th in AFC) @ Kansas City Chiefs (11-4, 3rd in AFC)
Fleet – Horse based team chalking up L’s like no one’s business.
Fleet’s Pick – Los Angeles Chargies to lose
Matt – Chargers are 5-10? They feel slightly better than that.
Matt’s Pick – Kansas City Chiefs
Chicago Bears (7-8, 10th in NFC) @ Minnesota Vikings (10-5, 6th in NFC)
Matt’s Pick – Minnesota Vikings
Fleet’s Pick – Chicago Bears to lose
Atlanta Falcons (6-9, 11th in NFC) @ Tampa Bay Buccaneers (7-8, 10th in NFC)
Fleet – Yawn, this game.
Fleet’s Pick – Bucs to lose
Matt’s Pick – Atlanta Falcons
Pittsburgh Steelers (8-7, 7th in AFC) @ Baltimore Ravens (13-2, 1st in AFC)
Matt – Baltimore is resting almost everybody, including your 2019 MVP, quarterback Lamar Jackson. This is going to be a gross, rainy game, and it may come down to bounces, turnovers, and the football stylings of RG III. Thus,
Matt’s Pick – Pittsburgh Steelers
Fleet – Ravens will be resting Lamar. All the better for RGIII to break some bread and win the game….. as I wrote that I thought of changing my pick.
Fleet’s Pick – Steelers to lose
Washington (3-12, 16th in NFC) @ Dallas Cowboys (7-8, 9th in NFC)
Fleet – Like the Cowboys have to win this game…right?
Fleet’s Pick – Washington to lose
Matt – I wonder if Jerry Jones is going to cry when he calls Jason Garrett into his office to fire him tomorrow morning. Jerry seems to have an irrational amount of love for Jason, which really seems to stem from the fact that he’s a spineless yes-man moron. So really, Jerry has a lot of love for himself. And I do think Jerry would cry if he had to fire Jerry. I completely forget where I was going with this.
The Washington NFL team is a loathsome franchise for about a hundred reasons and should change their fucking name already.
Matt’s Pick – Dallas Cowboys
Tennessee Titans (8-7, 6th in AFC) @ Houston Texans (10-5, 4th in AFC)
Matt – Tennessee needs to win to make the playoffs. Houston is starting AJ McCarron at QB. This game shouldn’t even be close. Titans by minimum 2 scores.
As a Miami fan, I am very much looking forward to betting a large sum against Ryan Tannehill in the playoffs.
Matt’s Pick – Tennessee Titans
Fleet – Revenge Tanahill has one final shot to prove he belongs…the Titans should cough still look at other Qbs this offseason cough
Fleet’s Pick – Houston to lose
Indianapolis Colts (7-8, 9th in AFC) @ Jacksonville Jaguars (5-10, 14th in AFC)
Fleet – In like a lion out like the summer wheeze the season has been for both these teams.
Fleet’s Pick – Colts to lose
Matt – Hot take – Minshew is out of the league in three years. Get that trademark money now.
Matt’s Pick – Indianapolis Colts
Philadelphia Eagles (8-7, 4th in NFC) @ New York Giants (4-1, 14th in NFC)
Matt – Call it a hunch, call it bias from being burned so many fucking times by Philly this year, but I think the Giants steal this game and Dallas somehow wins the division.
Matt’s Pick – New York Giants
Fleet – Wait, this game kinda matters? Well only for the Eagles, but still something.
Fleet’s Pick – Giants to lose
Oakland Raiders (7-8, 8th AFC) @ Denver Broncos (6-9, 11th in AFC)
Fleet – Oh boy, this game.
Fleet’s Pick – Denver Broncos to lose
Matt’s Pick – Denver Broncos
Arizona Cardinals (5-9-1, 12th in NFC) @ Los Angeles Rams (8-7, 7th in NFC)
Matt – If this is Larry Fitz’ last game, the man played with class and grace and was a constant source of positivity and light in a terrible, horrible league.
Matt’s Pick – Los Angeles Rams
Fleet – Rams play for pride here.
Fleet’s Pick – Arizona to lose
San Francisco 49ers (12-3, 1st in NFC)@ Seattle Seahawks (11-4, 5th in NFC)
Fleet – Had to go with Beast mode here. Sorry San Fran. 🙁
Fleet’s Pick – San Fran to lose
Matt – Thank you all so much for reading this all season. We’ll be back next year! Or at least I will. Not sure if Fleet will ever watch another down of football after this terribly disappointing Browns season.
San Fran is the better team, they have the better players, and I think they will rebound on defense and take care of business on the road.
Matt’s Pick – San Francisco 49ers