WELCOME EVERYONE to this week’s edition of AEW Velocity.
Excalibur, Taz and Veda Scott (~!) introduce us to this week’s edition of the show, and Taz lets us know that “Absolute” Ricky Starks will be commentating on tonight’s episode at some point, naming this show AEW Stark. Fabulous.
Singles – Brandi Rhodes v Red Velvet
I really like Red Velvet, she’s got some personality and crazy, sparkling gear. Brandi is a much better heel than a babyface, which is why it’s so infuriating that she flips in between both so willy-nilly-like. Seriously, is Brandi a heel or not? She acts like a jerk to Allie now, for some reason, and she wrestles like a heel, talking shit to her opponent the whole time. But she’s also feuding with Anna Jay from the Dark Order now, who is herself a spooky heel.
I think it would greatly help AEW TV for them to decide once and for all if Brandi is going to be a heel of a babyface, and stick with it. Brandi’s inconsistent personality hurts every single story she’s involved in (slightly, it’s not ruining stories, but it hurts. For example, the awesome Allie and Q.T. Marshall thing they had going has now fizzled), through no fault of her own. Or maybe some fault of her own. But it’s an easy fix. Just pick a character to play, anything at all, and stick with it for like, the next 2-18 months please. Don’t keep flipping between good and evil.
Pretty bad wrestling mach here. Not an affront to the wrestling business, but your life will not be changed if you skip this match.
Brandi Rhodes wins via submission w/ the Rear Naked Choke
Tag Team – The Butcher & The Blade v. Daniel Garcia & Kevin Blackwood
I would have loved to have seen 5 more minutes of this squash, but it was awesome to see Buffalo boys / Canadian indy wrestling stars Kevin Blackwood and Daniel Garcia get some play on AEW TV.
If you’re a Canadian indy fan, check it out just because it’s Pepper Parks and Andy Williams vs Blackwood and Garcia. This was every tag team squash you’ve ever seen, but yet another bit of secret AEW fan service to the north (and upper northeastern USA).
Butcher and Blade win via pinfall w/ FULL DEATH (Snap suplex by Butcher into backstabber by Blade) on Daniel Garcia
Singles – Dani Jordyn v. Penelope Ford
Great performance by Veda Scott in this match. I really thought it was clever of her to point out that Dani is coming off of a knee injury and thus, was maybe a little tentative with her tope suicida attempt.
Dani Jordyn’s gimmick is “high school punk girl”, complete with a “Burn Book”, where she draws insulting pictures of her opponents. At one point in the match, Kip Sabian stole the Burn Book (~!~!), and showed Penelope Ford the picture of her. Penelope responded by ripping the picture up, and stuffing it in her opponent’s mouth, Million Dollar Man style.
Pretty sloppy match in terms of execution, but it was hard-fought and entertaining, with some spirited commentary by Veda, Taz and Excalibur. Not a classic, but a good bit of fun.
Penelope Ford wins via pinfall w/the Fisherman’s (woman’s?) Suplex
Singles – “The Machine” Brian Cage v. Megabyte Ronnie
Apparently, Megabyte Ronnie is a competitive eater and a US army veteran. I am embarrassed by how much I like this man. I want to see more of him.
As I make sure to note every week, I could watch Brian Cage throw faceless jobbers around every episode of Dark. And boy howdy, does AEW ever deliver. However, there is one factor that I have neglected – by taking the time to give these poor shitbag jobbers a personality, we become even more invested in our weekly Brian Cage murders.
To that end: after hitting a big sky-high powerbomb, and pulling a hot dog out of a fanny pack, Megabyte Ronnie hits a HOT DOG ASSISTED PEOPLE’S ELBOW. HE ATE A HOT DOG HALFWAY THROUGH HIS ELBOW DROP. WHO IS THIS MAN?! WHAT IS HAPPENING?! Of course, Brian Cage then went on to immediately shit-house this poor army veteran, hitting arguably the worst 6-1-9 in the history of the business on him before the finish and the 1-2-3.
Great first showing by Ronnie, perfect Cage squash, great commentary by Ricky Starks and the gang. This is everything I want and need out of AEW Tuesday Night Heat, and while I would hate wrestling eventually if it was always like this, you need stuff like this from time to time.
Brian Cage wins via pinfall w/ the Drill Claw (Vertical Suplex into sit-out Tombstone)
Tag Team – Brian Pillman Jr. & Griff Garrison v. The Inner Circle (Ortiz & Santana)
It can be hard to find different ways to describe these short, one-sided AEW Dark matches. One thing that did stand out in this affair is that Ortiz and Santana always hit their opponents very hard, especially in this jabroni-centric setting. Just beating the shite out out of jobbers.
Absolutely phenomenal, bad-ass finish to this one, as Santana comes in with a disgusting flying knee to Pillman Jr. as BPJ is hung on the ropes, and rather than do another move, Ortiz just pins him with a foot on the chest. What a great finish. Do stuff like this more often, pro wrestling.
I’m ready for Pillman and Griff to get a win or two soon. No complaints here though. Hard hitting match with an awesome, unique finish. We’ll bump it up slightly from average for that finish.
The Inner Circle win via pinfall from a running apron knee by Santana to Brian Pillman Jr.
Singles – Jessy Sorensen v. Will Hobbs
Very quick squash here, Will Hobbs wins with the Oklahoma Stampede before I could even write my first WILL HOBBS IS A BEEFY, THICC LAD-type sentence. Not a ton to it, but Will Hobbs needs wins, and he’s getting them.
Will Hobbs wins with the Oklahoma Stampede (Running powerslam to the turnbuckle and then mat)
Tag Team – Diamante & Ivelisse v. Rache Chanel & Skyler Moore
Yet another quick, one-sided squash. Diamante and Ivelisse are an awesome team and are both great additions to the growing AEW women’s roster. It will be great to get Diamante v Thunder Rosa on Dynamite tomorrow, hopefully they get some time. This division is finally growing. You love to see it.
Nothing to the match, though.
Diamante and Ivelisse win via pinfall w/the Recoil (rolling snapmare into kick to the face) by Ivelisse to Skyler Moore
Singles – Colt Cabana v. Q.T. Marshall
Gotta say, I was a little disappointed with this match. I was expecting a little more than we got, which is perhaps foolish of me in retrospect, seeing as it was Colt Cabana v QT Marshall after all.
After Stu Grayson hits a devastating running knee on Q.T. behind the ref’s back, Colt wins with Brodie Lee’s finishing move. A slightly below average wrestling match, but a nice bit of storyline advancement with the Dark Order, as sweet, goofy old Colt Cabana falls further under the spell of the spooky mask perverts.
Colt Cabana wins via pinfall w/the Discus Lariat
Singles – Brandon Cutler v. “The Librarian” Peter Avalon
Huge match for longtime AEW Dark nerds such as myself. After feuding backstage over who was the biggest loser in AEW, these two guys decided to team up, and proceeded to lose every match. They are now finally settling things once and for all. Peter Avalon is currently 0-26. Brandon Cutler is 0-25. I would prefer that this be the main event, but hook it to my veins none the less.
After a pretty competitive and entertaining back and forth match, the two perennial AEW
Match ends in a Draw via Double Countout
Tag Team – Best Friends (Chuck Taylor & Trent) v. Dontae Smiley & Maxx Stardom
Oh man, I didn’t love this one. God bless Chucky T, he’s hilarious and an underrated wrestler, but he looked hung over here. Just a sweaty lad. Chuck Taylor is much better on defense then he is on offense, I think. Lots of low-impact strikes out of Chucky T this evening.
This was a serious no-nonsense performance from the Best Friends, definitely necessary for storyline purposes, but not the strongest wrestling match of all time.
Main Event – 8-Person Tag – Dark Order (Evil Uno, Stu Grasyon, John Silver & Alex Reynolds) v. The Gunn Club (Austin Gunn & Billy Gunn) & Private Party (Isiah Kassidy & Marq Quen)
After starting slowly, this match really picked up by the end. Austin Gunn is improving, but he lacks the natural charisma, size and athleticism of his dad. If they didn’t outright tell me Austin was Billy’s kid every week, I’d have no idea. In fact I still don’t entirely believe it.
Big win for the Dark Order after a hot finishing stretch that gave all 8 guys a moment to shine. John Silver in particular looked awesome in that little finishing stretch, unleashing a barrage of kicks and a suplex to a kneeling Marq Quen