Lines via OLG Proline
Matt: Dolphins fan, back to back 30+ point wins are in play. What a time to be alive.
F-Dawg Johnston: Browns fan, Making picks since ‘19, feces in human form since ‘94. It’s all fun and games making my picks until the wizard gets home and demands I return the hat.
Sunday Oct 18 2020
Denver (1-3) @ New England (2-2)
Line: NE (-9.5)
Matt: New England are getting Cam Newton and Stephon Gilmore back this week. That should be enough to romp this Broncos squad. Pats win and cover the big number.
Matt’s Pick: New England
Fleet: Cam is back, also Drew Lock is back? Pats win.
Houston (1-4) @ Tennessee (4-0)
Line: TEN (-4)
Fleet: Reasons why I’m picking the Texans this week: The curse of O’Brien is far behind them. The Titans are on a short week of rest. Shakespeare once said Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo.
Fleet’s Pick: Houston
Matt: Tennessee is the superior team, but they’re on short rest having played last Tuesday, and are up against a fired up Romeo Crennell-led Houston squad. Houston is a tough matchup anyway, as Deshaun Watson tends to do well vs. teams that don’t pressure him, and Tennesee’s pass rush isn’t strong. Terrible spot for the Titans here. Give me Houston to shock the Titans.
Matt’s Pick: Houston
Cleveland (4-1) @ Pittsburgh (4-0)
Line: PIT (-3.5)
Matt’s Pick: Pittsburgh
[I’ll just leave this here. Do I even need a blurb to talk about how the Browns will need to beat a team in the AFC North not named the Bengals at some point to be considered a legitimate playoff team? Or how the Browns are all injured? I won’t waste anyone’s time with a blurb, instead enjoy the works of Michigan J. Frog.]
Fleet’s Pick: Cleveland
Baltimore (4-1) @ Philadelphia (1-3-1)
Line: BAL (-9.5)
Fleet: Eagles, I do not believe in you.
Fleet’s Pick: Baltimore
Matt’s Pick: Baltimore
Washington (1-4) @ NY Giants (0-5)
Line: NYG (-3)
Matt: Classic record theory game here. Two even-ish teams, one at 1-4 and one at 0-5. Do you really think Washington is going to a semi-respectable 2-4 this week? Or is it more likely that both of these shitbag teams go to 1-5? I say the latter, and on the basis of nothing else, I choose New York here!
Matt’s Pick: New York Giants
Fleet: I hate multiple aspects of this game. Will try and not bore you with the details but just know all aspects I hate from this game, stem from the existence of this game.
Fleet’s Pick: NY Giants
Atlanta (0-5) @ Minnesota (1-4)
Line: MIN (-4.5)
Fleet: Dalvin Cook is out, but let’s get real here. Kirk Cousins is gonna throw for 8000 yards and 52 TDs in what will be described as the greatest singular football game of all time. Must add, all formats…. Or you could chalk this up into the category of dumb games I could care less for.
Fleet’s Pick: Minnesota
Matt: Two strong Ederer theories at work in this contest: both the New Coach Shine Theory, and the Record Theory. Atlanta wins a terrible, unwatchable football game vs a Vikings team who are without Dalvin Cook this week to prove those theories correct. Or, Minnesota wins by double digits, and I’m a complete idiot.
Matt’s Pick: Atlanta
Detroit (1-3) @ Jacksonville (1-4)
Line: DET (-3.5)
Matt: I wouldn’t watch this game with your dick! Or something. I don’t know. This blurb was my job interview for Barstool.
Jags have rattled off a casual 4 game losing streak after shocking the Colts in week 1. Matt Patricia is coming off a bye, which I’m sure doesn’t mean much, but hey, if you can’t beat the Jags with two weeks to prepare for them, what the hell are we even doing here?
Lions win and cover and nobody on Earth watches one second of this game, causing both teams to immediately fold.
Matt’s Pick: Detroit
Fleet: Picking this game purely only out of Matt Patricia hate.This week features some of the worst matchups of the year. I just really don’t care for half these matchups.
Fleet’s Pick: Jacksonville
Cincinnati (1-3-1) @ Indinanapolis (3-2)
Line: IND (-7.5)
Fleet: The Colts should seriously consider purchasing the rights to Quick Draw McGraw to use as their mascot. I mean, look at this guy go.
Fleet’s Pick: Indianapolis
Matt: I think this Colts team is a little bit fake, and have been clearly feasting on bad teams to achieve their success, particularly on defense. Problem is, Cincy is a bad team, particularly on offense. No Darius Leonard and No Mo Alie-Cox for Indianapolis this week, which (shockingly perhaps, in Mo’s case) will legitimately hurt them on both sides of the ball.
It’s possible this is a silly pick and that Indy romps this schmo Cincy team, but I like Joe Burrow and the Bengals to surprise the Colts and Old Man Rivers.
Matt’s Pick: Cincinnati
Chicago (4-1) @ Carolina (3-2)
Line: CAR (-1)
Matt: Speaking of fake teams, the Chicago Bears are 27th in the league in terms of points per game, but somehow sit at 4-1. I would pick Carolina in this game regardless of the two teams records, but don’t think I didn’t see this Record Theory potential staring me in the face. Panthers win to send both teams to 4-2 in the NFC.
Matt’s Pick: Carolina
Fleet: Shrug emoji here. I think I literally physically shrugged here thinking about this game. I would like the shrug emoji remark stricken from the records! Gimme da-bears!
Fleet’s Pick: Chicago
NY Jets (0-5) @ Miami (2-3)
Line: MIA (-10)
Fleet: Sea Mammal-Fish!
Fleet’s Pick: Miami
Matt’s Pick: Miami
Green Bay (4-0) @ Tampa Bay (3-2)
Line: GB (-2.5)
Green Bay is the best team in the NFC. They will cromp and stomp this Bucs squad.
Matt’s Pick: Green Bay
Fleet: Holy fuck Tampa Bay abbreviates to TB. Tom Brady is an insane human being, imagine becoming more brand than man. I fear that happening to me every single day of my life.
Fleet’s Pick: Green Bay
LA Rams (4-1) @ San Francisco (2-3)
Line: LAR (-3.5)
Fleet: And with this pick, I make my leave.
Fleet’s Pick: LA Rams
Matt: The Rams are tied for the league lead with 20 sacks. This is a dangerous team, right up there with Green Bay for the best in the NFC. Gonna be a long day for Jimothy G.
Matt’s Pick: LA Rams
Monday, Oct 18 2020
Kansas City (4-1) @ Buffalo (4-1)
Line: KC (-5)
Matt: It’s really hard to trust Buffalo’s defense vs Pat Mahomes, coming off a game where they surrendered 40+ points to Flyin’ Ryan Tannehill.
As someone who drafted Clyde Edwards-Helaire 7th overall in a 16 team fantasy league this year (the only league I truly care about, and I’m only in two), let me just say congratulations LeVeon Bell, you son of a bitch.
Matt’s Pick: Kansas City
Fleet: You kidding me, I finally start believing in Josh Allen and he proceeds to take a giant shit, like eh fuck you budddy.
Fleet’s Pick: Kansas City
Arizona (3-2) @ Dallas (2-3)
Line: ARI (-1.5)
Fleet: They should remake the movie We Bought A Zoo. Switch Matt Damon for Kyler Murray, Kyler Murrary promptly bails on Scarlet Johannson and the zoo to go play in the NFL. Movie ends with the Cardinals beating the Andy Dalton lead Cowboys in week 6 of a Covid season. FIN.
Fleet’s Pick: Arizona
Matt: I would feel bad for Dallas if Jerruh Jones weren’t, you know, soulless. Kyler Murray runs all over this Dallas defense, but the Cowboys somehow maintain their NFC East lead at 2-4.
Matt’s Pick: Arizona