Live and in colour with a u from Toronto, Ontario, Canada. We are back with more big football energy than John Madden busting through a football poster directly into your IBM.
Records/Intros
Matt – 22-10-1 – God save the Dolphins.
Fleet – 20-12-1 – Avid Browns fan. Basically picked the home team in every game. Note: Going rogue, I went against all the horse-based teams this week.
SUNDAY SEP 22 1:00pm
Atlanta Falcons @ Indianapolis Colts
O/U: 47.5 // Line: IND- 1.5
Fleet – Julio Jones and the Falcons might be hitting that desperate, win this game or good-bye season- kinda territory. That might just be me though.
Fleet’s Pick – Atlanta Falcons
Matt – Big game for Matt Ryan, who has looked shaky over the last two weeks. I think the Colts will be able to protect Jacoby Brissett, and squeak out a victory in a competitive game.
Incidentally, the Colts O-line is kind of like a person who mistreated their partner (Luck) for years, and only after the damage was irreparably done to their old partner (Luck’s shoulder / spleen / head / entire body) did they realize the horrors that they put their old partner through. Now they’ve smartened up, grown up, and are starting to fly right. Now the O-line’s got their shit together and they are ready to protect their beautiful Luck. Unfortunately, their Luck left their asses, he’s backpacking somewhere in South America at the moment, and the Colts are with someone new. And hey you know what? The new flame appreciates them. The new flame maybe never got their chance to start behind an O-line that loved and cared about them. Maybe this was meant to be all along? Maybe this is fate? Or maybe the Colts were idiots for mistreating Luck, and they know it. Maybe, just maybe, the Colts are leaving the door open for that old flame… (which again in this case is the decrepit, decaying body of Andrew Luck). Wow. Really makes you think. (No, it genuinely doesn’t.)
Gimme the Colts here!
Matt’s Pick – Indianapolis Colts
Baltimore Ravens @ Kansas City Chiefs
O/U: 52 // LINE: KC -6
Matt – I think the Ravens will come out and shock the Chiefs. You have to love the way Baltimore has played so far, and KC is on paper a sneaky-decent match-up for the Ravens. Baltimore’s defensive strength lies in their secondary, and while Patrick Mahomes is a unicorn putting up stats at an insane and heretofore unseen rate, he’s not going 16-0 forever. If any team can slow down the Mahomes show, it might be Baltimore.
The temptation is to never pick against Pat Mahomes, but the reality is that he’s going to lose some games. Balty is coming into Kansas City with a lot to prove, and I’m taking them to win a game that we probably see again in January.
Matt’s Pick – Baltimore Ravens
Fleet – This game should be real funs to watch. I for one plan to watch it.
Fleet’s Pick – Kansas City Chiefs
Cincinnatti Bengals @ Buffalo Bills
O/U: 44 // Line: BUF -6
Fleet – Went with the Andy Dalton revenge tour last week not making that mistake again. Picked against Josh Allen two weeks in a row now. Wrong two weeks in a row now, so also not making that mistake again.
Fleet’s Pick – Buffalo Bills
Matt – I love me some Cincinnati, but this is a bad spot. Coming off a devastating 30+ point loss to Jimmy “Brazzers” Garoppolo, Cincy now has to travel to Buffalo to play a Bills team that looks like a fringe playoff contender through two weeks vs horrific teams.
I’m taking Buffalo, but with almost negative confidence. First of all, we don’t know if Buffalo is even good. They’ve beaten the New York Saquons and the New York High School Illnesses. This is a CLASSIC “Buffalo shits the bed game”. Please do not put a cent of money on this game. We have all seen the 2-0 or 3-0 Bills romp into a home game vs a “weaker” team and absolutely shit on top of themselves and all over their entire fan base and any person who has ever loved them.
Take Buffalo, but take them meekly and softly with absolutely zero confidence. Back into the Bills and don’t tell anybody you’re doing it. If you put a gun to my head and asked me about the Bills this Sunday (a real possibility in Buffalo, New York) I would honestly probably pick Buf to win outright but Cincy to win on the spread, meaning I think Buffalo wins this one by less than 6 points. Prove me wrong, Bills!
Matt’s Pick – Buffalo Bills, Buffalo Skills, check out the meat on my Buffalo Grills
Denver Broncos @ Green Bay Packers
O/U: 43 // Line: GB -7
Fleet – Sorry horse-based team — I picked the factory-based team.
Les têtes de fromage got my love this week. Look for me to go full horse with my picks next week.
Fleet’s Pick – Green Bay Packers
Matt – Joe Flacco vs Aaron Rodgers, the most exciting QB matchup of 2009. Maybe. If you lived in Baltimore.
Matt’s Pick – Green Bay Packers, John Elway undergoes face lift at halftime
Detroit Lions @ Philadelphia Eagles
O/U: 45.5 // Line: PHI -5.5
Matt – Carson Wentz is going to die on the field one of these days. That man plays with reckless abandon. Nick Foles really was the perfect QB to have back there for Philly. They need a competent, human backup at all times.
Matt’s Pick – Philadelphia Eagles / Carson Wentz while he’s still alive.
Fleet – Can we get some more Darren Sproles sightings soon?
Fleet’s Pick – Philadelphia Eagles
Miami Dolphins @ Dallas Cowboys
O/U: 47.5 // Line: DAL -23 lol
Fleet – Cowboys win.
Fleet’s Pick – Dallas Cowboys
Matt – 🙁
(Can I be honest? I’m actually loving this Dolphins season lol. Bring on the tank this year. Sucks to see a young talent like Minkah Fitzpatrick go and it will be very depressing if we hit year 3-4 of this tank in 2021. Having said that, for one year? Hook it to my veins. At this moment I am really having fun with this team who is trying to lose harder than any team I have ever rooted for. Every day is a new disaster, but in a fun Sam Hinkie way, not in a dark Antonio Brown way. Xavien Howard tweeted this out ffs:)
Matt’s Pick – I dunno Cowboys by 54?
New York Jets @ New England Patriots
O/U: 43.5 // Line: NE – 21.5
Matt – The Jets might go Mononucle-oh-and-16. Thank you for coming to Toronto Yuk Yuk’s , bathrooms are up the stairs to my right.
(Couple monster lines this week. Dallas -23 points, New England – 21.5. Meaning they have to win by 24 and 22 respectively for your bet to cover.
..
Honestly might take both games over for a tenner.)
Matt’s Pick – Tom 43, Time 0
Fleet – This darn Patriots team looks great two weeks in. Josh Gordon gets some Josh Gordon based things done. This is my real prediction for the week.
Note: If you are reading this and do not follow football Josh Gordon was once a member of the Cleveland Browns. He was pretty good while not suspended during that time.
Note II: I could not find the updated stat. But in 2017 Belichek was 16-5 against first year passers since 2000. I will place Faulk in that category (although it isn’t techniquely his first year) and he will lose.
Fleet’s Pick – New England Patriots
Oakland Raiders @ Minnesota Vikings
O/U: 43.5 // Line: MIN -9
Fleet – Will we get the war raider MNF Oakland team we saw that one time, or will the viking experience take hold? My money is on the Vikings.
Fleet’s Pick – Minnesota Vikings
Matt –
Matt’s Pick
SUNDAY LATE SLATE
Carolina Panthers @ Arizona Cardinals
O/U: 44.5 // Line: ARI -2.5
Matt – The newest bash brother / Oakland Athletic legend Kyler Murray might be getting his first win! Bad break for the Panthers this year with Cam’s health issues, but if he’s not 100% healthy and you’re losing anyway you might as well sit him down until he is. Carolina could absolutely still steal this game, as Kyle Allen had a strong Week 17 last year (266 yrds, 2 TD 0 INT) and might be OK. But this really looks like a good spot for Kyler.
Matt’s Pick – Arizona Cardinals
Fleet – Call me a Kyle Allen non-believer but Kyler getting his first win makes a little more sense to me here.
Fleet’s Pick – Arizona Cardinals
NY Giants @ Tampa Bay Buccaneers
O/U: 47.5 // Line: TB -6
Fleet – Call me a Daniel Jones non-believer but the clone uprising cannot win.
If Eli isn’t traded we may never see him take the field again.
Fleet’s Pick – Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Matt –
But I mean having said that, and put forth that carefully hought-out and nuanced argument, I do think there is only one fair conclusion to draw:
Matt’s Pick –
Houston Texans @ LA Chargers
O/U: 48.5 // Line: LAC- 3
Matt – I like the Texans here. If both teams were healthy it may be a different story, but LA’s secondary is ravaged by injury (why is it that every season, at least one part of the Chargers’ team has to be “ravaged” by something).
Start Will Fuller in fantasy too. I like him as a daily fantasy // prop play. He might have 110 yards and a TD on 3 catches or something.
Matt’s Pick – Houston Texans
Fleet – One of my very few away team picks of the week. Houston Texans over Los Angeles Californians. Boo-yah.
Fleet’s Pick – Houston Texans
New Orleans Saints @ Seattle Seahawks
O/U: 44.5 // Line: SEA -4.5
Fleet – Dree has only missed one game during his 14 seasons in New Orleans. So as chaos reigns in New Orleans, Seattle wins. Although the New Orleans have arguably the best back up QB so let us see.
Fleet’s Pick – Seattle Seahawks
Matt – While we are throwing out Youtube links, this is my analysis:
(Also here’s a thing I didn’t fully realize – Paul Simon looks fucking exactly like Lloyd Christmas )
Matt’s Pick – Seattle Seahawks
Pittsburgh Steelers @ San Francisco 49ers
O/U: 43.5 // Line: SF – 6.5
Matt – I actually love the Steelers here. San Francisco is riding high after dusting the Bengals on the road, and will come into this game confident. But the Steelers are not ready to roll over. They went out and acquired a very solid DB from Miami in Minkah Fitzpatrick, a serious message to the team that they will not be tanking this year. Mason Rudolph is starting for the injured Ben Roethlisberger and frankly, Ben hasn’t looked like the Ben of old anyway. This might be an improvement at QB, at least by like Week 12-13.
Matt’s Pick – Pittsburgh Steelers to win and cover, watch out for Diontae Johnson in fantasy football too.
Fleet – Call me a Mason Rudolph non-believer.
Fleet’s Pick – San Francisco 49ers
LA Rams @ Cleveland Browns
O/U: 47.5 // Line: LAR – 3.5
Matt – Gonna take the Rams here and quickly defer to my esteemed colleague / roommate Fleetwood Brown
Matt’s Pick – Los Angeles Rams
Fleet – Duh. Let’s move on.
Fleet’s Pick – Cleveland Browns
MONDAY NIGHTER
Chicago Bears @ Washington Football Team
O/U: 41 // Line: CHI -4.5
Matt – Think I’m gonna watch Monday Night Raw instead. Change your fucking team name, guys.
Matt’s Pick – Ricochet over Baron Corbin Chicago over the Inexplicably Racist Football Team from the United States Capital
Fleet – This game could be a stinker, it could be a decent watch in the end. I lean towards stinker because my crystal ball never lies.
Fleet’s Pick – Chicago Bears
Thanks for reading! Go Fish, Go Browns, Go Advil, Go Percocet.
