We skipped the Thursday nighter (MIN 19 – WSH 9). Every human on Earth took Minnesota over Washington, and every human on Earth was correct. The world has seen the YOU LIKE THAT video enough. We didn’t have anything more to add.
Matt Ederer – Last Week 8-6, Overall 61-45-1. Miami Dolphin fan, unburdened by expectation.
F-Dawg Johnston (avid Browns fan) – Last Week 10-4, Overall 57-48-1 will lose a little more faith in the team after the loss that is most likely coming their way. But in non-football news: my brother (avid anime fan) will be helping with my picks this week. So (avid) anime fans, you’re in for a treat today.
Week 8 Byes – Baltimore Ravens, Dallas Cowboys
Philadelphia Eagles (3-4, 7th in NFC) @ Buffalo Bills (5-1, 5th in AFC)
Matt – Buffalo has trailed in the 4th quarter vs both the Bengals and the Dolphins this year. I’m not saying the Bills are “bad”, and Philly certainly has their fair share of problems. But this is Philly’s entire season right here, and I just can’t shake the memory of Buffalo losing to both Cincinnati and Miami late. Philly wins a game they absolutely need.
Matt’s Pick – Philadelphia Eagles
Fleet – I have come to realize I pick the Bills to lose every week because deep down I don’t like the team. I am not sorry.
Fleet’s Pick – Philadelphia Eagles
New York Giants (2-5, 14th in NFC) @ Detroit Lions (2-3-1, 12th in NFC)
Fleet – Can we get the Daniel Jones/ Matt Stafford Rivalry angle we all so desperately need in our life?
Fleet’s Pick – Detroit Lions
Matt – No. No we cannot.
Matt’s Pick – Detroit by many points
Tampa Bay Buccaneers (2-4, 13th in NFC) @ Tennessee Titans (3-4, 9th in AFC)
Matt – Taking Tennessee, but please allow me to rant about this one final time and get it out of my system. I think Ryan Tannehill is a punk. I will never get behind a player who clowns his own teammates for making less money than he does, especially when almost any neutral observer would say that Tannehill didn’t deserve the fat contract he was given.
I’m taking Tennesee to win the game because the Titans have a good defense and Jameis Winston is pretty bad. But I am quite happy that Ryan Tannehill plays for one of the 31 other teams in the NFL now, so I can root against him every week.
Matt’s Pick – Tennessee Titans
Fleet – There’s not much in this world that I’m
less more afraid of than an angry Ryan Tannehill, out for revenge on this sucka-ass league that wronged him.
Fleet’s Pick – Tennessee Titans
Los Angeles Chargers (2-5, 13th in AFC) @ Chicago Bears (3-3, 9th in NFC)
Fleet – I am picking the Bears to win. Apparetly, according to the Worldwide leader in sports (hostedstats.com), they lead the league in dropped passes/game. The Bears have only played 6 games. Teams with equal or more dropped passes have 7 games under their belts. If they could just hold onto some ball, or as my brother says, catch the ball like this girl’s hair.
They might just win a game or two more.
Note: The Bears also need their qb to play better “but better one chunk of cheddar chesse at a time, than the whole pot”…or so they say.
Fleet’s Pick – Chicago Bears
Matt – Something about this Bears team just makes me want to pick a tie (out of my closet, to hang myself with). The Chargers are getting a few key players back, as Russell Okung and Melvin Ingram both could play this week. Seeing as LA has absolutely no home field advantage anyway, I like the Chargers here to win in Chicago. But good luck trying to make sense of either of these teams.
Matt’s Pick – Los Angeles Chargers
Seattle Seahawks (5-2, 4th in NFC) @ Atlanta Falcons (1-6, 15th in NFC)
Matt – Matt Schaub will be playing quarterback for the Atlanta Falcons this afternoon.
Matt’s Pick – Seattle by 10+
Fleet – Holy cow. Two weeks, two bird battles. What a delight. I picked the team that hasn’t fallen completely on their face and embarrassed themselves and their fans time and time again.
Note: Matt Ryan is hurt, who dafuq is their backup…holy fuck it is Matt Schaub…terrific nfl. Poor Kap. 🙁
Fleet’s Pick – Seattle by over 9000
New York Jets (1-5, 14th in AFC) @ Jacksonville Jaguars (3-4, 8th in AFC)
Fleet – This week I’m going with the jaguars and their very own tiger man Minshew.
Fleet’s Pick – Jacksonville Jaguars
Matt – Jets seem like they want to win, Jags just traded their best player to Los Angeles for a bumper crop of picks. Jets pull off an upset in a game that you couldn’t pay me to watch a second of.
Matt’s Pick – New York J E T S
Cincinnati Bengals (0-7, 16th in AFC) @ LA Rams (4-3, 8th in NFC)
Matt – Zac Taylor revenge bowl!
The Bengals should at least show up for this one, as their head coach Zac Taylor has an intimate familiarity with the Los Angeles Rams. He knows their players and schemes, and as the ex-Rams QB coach he’s especially familiar with Jared Goff’s …particular brand of football. That is inarguably a leg-up for this Bengals team that could use a bone or two thrown in their general direction. Sean McVay has already said the Rams will change the way they do things this week to compensate, which is an obvious thing to say, but is still somehow comforting to hear. I’m not sure Freddie Kitchens would even have done that much.
Can’t take the 0-7 Bengals vs a team this good, but it wouldn’t shock me to see this be the one they win. This is also a Wembley Stadium game, which tend to be sloppier, weird games, with two potentially jet-lagged teams playing overseas in likely inclement weather. Still,
Matt’s Pick – LA Rams by 10+
Fleet – I care more about A.J Green potentially getting traded before Tuesday more than this game.
Fleet’s Pick – LA Rams
Arizona Cardinals (3-3-1, 10th in NFC) @ New Orleans Saints (6-1, 2nd in NFC)
Fleet – Ex-Browns coach battle of the week!
We have current Cardinals linebackers coach and former Browns defensive assistant (1999) and linebackers coach (2011-2012), Billy “I left my heart in San Francisco and my keys in LA” Davis VS ex-Browns tight end coach/offensive assistant (2000) and current New Orleans Saints offensive co-ordinator, Pete “Do not! Go in there! Whoo.” Carmichael Jr.
Which left me picking the man whose nickname is an Ace Ventura reference. And for that, we ask you to never change Pete.
Fun fact: Ex-Browns tight end (2002-2009) Steve Heiden is now the Cardinals tight ends coach.
Fleet’s Pick – New Orleans Saints
Breezy season approachinPre-Gospel Kanye
fuck whatever y’all been hearin’
fuck what fuck whatever y’all been wearin’
monster about to come alive again
Matt’s Pick – New Orleans Saints
Denver Broncos (2-5, 12th in AFC) @ Indianapolis Colts (4-2, 4th in AFC)
Matt – Every single Colts game this season has been a 1-score game, win or lose. Betcha 20 bucks that changes this week.
Matt’s Pick – Colts by a healthy margin
Fleet – Horse-based teams never change.
Fleet’s Pick – Indianapolis Colts
SUNDAY LATE SLATE
Carolina Panthers (4-2, 7th in NFC) @ San Francisco 49ers (6-0, 1st in NFC)
Fleet – “Kyle Shanahan out here cooking up gameplans like the video below”. -my brother
Fleet’s Pick – San Francisco 49ers
Matt – I want to take Carolina here, but I just can’t do it. San Francisco has a punishing D-line, and Carolina has had shaky O-line play all season.
9ers roll on, Kyle Allen looks bad, Panthers start Cam Newton with impunity next week.
Matt’s Pick – San Francisco 49ers
Oakland Raiders (3-3, 7th in AFC) @ Houston Texans (4-3, 6th in AFC)
Matt – God help me, I want to watch this game. This is honestly the Game of the Week for young (32 years old) Matthew Ederer
Huge game for both teams here. If Houston wins, they solidify their spot as 6th in the AFC and keep pace with a Colts team that I’ve already selected to win today. If they lose, Oakland leaps them in the standings and suddenly the Texans are the outside, and they’re looking in, ft Fred Durst. If Oakland wins, they make the aforementioned leapfrog over Houston to 6th place and the final playoff spot, but if the Raiders lose this one, they fall a good ways behind Houston and would need a monumental collapse from either Buffalo or KC to realistically get into the AFC playoffs. Stakes!
I’ll take the home team with the potential NFL MVP (Deshaun Watson) playing the best football of his career. But no matter what the outcome is, I can’t wait to see it unfold. We know Oakland is “good” – the O-line alone is a reason to consistently like, select, and bet on this team. We’re going to see how good they are this week. If they can push Houston to 4-4 and out of the AFC playoff standings, these Raiders might have some Team-Of-Destiny, last-season-in-Oakland magic whiffs about them. Gruden may have some coach of the year buzz. Having said that,
Matt’s Pick – Houston Texans
Fleet’s Pick – Houston Texans
Cleveland Browns (2-4, 10th in AFC) @ New England Patriots (7-0, 1st in AFC)
Fleet – Of course I’m picking the Browns here. Did you really think I wasn’t going to continue picking this stupid team? Although boy, does this not look good. Old Fred had a bye week to gameplan against one singular team. I can tell you 2 weeks of Fred is equivalent to 1/2 of a quarter of an hour of a Belichick week’s worth of planing.
Fleet’s Pick – Cleveland Browns
Matt – Bill Belichick has a chance to be the 3rd coach ever to 300 NFL wins (Playoffs + Reg season) today, vs his former team. Chalk it up.
Matt’s Pick – New England Patriots
Green Bay Packers (6-1, 3rd in NFC) @ Kansas City Chiefs (5-2, 2nd in AFC)
Matt – Though I am a Matt Moore truther, it’s hard to project a career backup QB getting a W here vs the STOUT Green Bay defense. As per Sportsfap tradition, any time we describe a defense as “stout”, we’re probably picking that team.
Matt’s Pick – Green Bay Packers
Fleet – No Mahomes no problem…wait I picked Green Bay… No Mahomes = Problems
Fleet’s Pick – Green Bay Packers
Miami Dolphins (0-6, 15th in AFC) @ Pittsburgh Steelers (2-4, 11th in AFC)
Fleet – Not even I saw this pick coming.
Fleet’s Pick – Miami Dolphins
Matt – Lol
Pittsburgh wants, and needs to win. Miami has already traded a great young player to this team for their 1st round draft pick next year. The Steelers aren’t going to lose a game to an inferior team that owns their draft pick.
Start all Steelers in Fantasy. I’m rolling Benny Snell and Deontae Johnson in a 16-man league, a move that I was proud of until I wrote it down and now am starting to realize how desperate I am.
Matt’s Pick – Pittsburgh Steelers by 20+